Miryn's Journal

Monday, November 21st, 2005

5:35 pm - Better. Really. I am better.

I got back in the ring on Saturday, and I am so totally psyched about fighting again. It has been months! And.. wow.. it was so much fun. I think I'm going to start training again and start competing. I stopped competing in sparring because of one injury incident.. but that was a very long time ago. I'm excited be a competitor again, and not just a judge.

As for an update on my second to last entry, I did get my third degree black belt sometime in June after a long, long trial of difficulties and pressures. The test itself was awesome, and I'll never forget it.

As for Sammy and Kate! It's good to see you guys again. I've been doing well, other than what I was ranting about earlier. College is rough, life is rough. I got a brand new car. 06 Honda civic. It's beautiful, but now I'm broke and my dad lost his job, so my family is struggling for money and stuff. But, life is life and it's not supposed to be easy!

current mood:

calm

Thursday, November 10th, 2005

6:36 pm - What is love?

What is love?

Is love another word for pain? It seems to be, at least for me. I broke up with Justin awhile ago because the good seemed to be heavily outweighed by the bad, and I hurt more than I felt happiness. I felt free, in a way, but I clung to anyone I could get ahold of.. and that perfect person seemed to be a guy who went by the IC name of Race. I was on serious rebound, and I didn't even know it.

( Long Venting Ahead... )

The song that fits all of this is by Linkin Park - In the End. The more I listen to it, the more true I find it. No matter how hard I work for something, in the end... it won't matter. All the effort I put into those relationshiops, that game.. it didn't matter in the end. I am left on my own, and I now can stand on my own two feet... even without training wheels.

Rise

Your wise quote is: "Our greatest glory is not
in never falling, but in rising everytime we
fall" by Confucius.
Yes indeed, you see true strenght can only be
seen when a person has "fallen". Only
then one can tell how they will handle it. Just
don't make others fall so you can know who they
really are.

What wise quote fits you? [pics]
brought to you by Quizilla

current mood:

thoughtful
current music: Linkin Park - In the End

(3 comments | comment on this)

Wednesday, March 23rd, 2005

5:00 pm - Oh, and...

Did I mention my third degree black belt candidate cycle? I don't think I did.. Anyway, I'm sure I'll be ranting a /lot/ about that in here. o_o It's getting more and more frustrating. But, anyway, as of right now, I've lost a whole bunch of 'inches' around my waist. Lots of 'em! But I haven't lost a single pound because the muscle I'm getting is replacing the weigh too fast to even notice. Also, the two girls who are also in this candidate cycle are Jess, a junior olympic team competitor who rocks, and Melanie (M&M), a 40(?) year old lady who complains about EVERYTHING. I want to stuff a sock in her mouth. If she doesn't want to be there, go away!

My test is in May! I hope.. I think it'll be pushed back because we're so bad at everything and our endurance is terrible. Or, at least, mine and M&M's is. Jess, of course, is a whole lot better than us on endurance and fighting. I'm the best at weapons and technique, and second up on fighting and speed. M&M is the best at flexibilty (go figure!), forms/katas, and being annoying.

My dad came home today and told me that he spoke to a best friend of Jun Ri (spelling?) Jun Ri is the guy who brought Tae Kwon Do /into/ the United States! (Yes, that means he's over 80 years old now). This friend guy is going to get us a presidential box seat to watch a marine band play, and get Jun Ri to /personally sign/ my third degree black belt class photo! It's so awesome..

current mood:

anxious

4:19 pm - Yin and Yang

There's a philosophical idea that I've always believed in, but every time it proves itself, I'm amazed. The idea is that, good and bad will always be equal. In everyday life, this plays out as your morning may be horrible, but your afternoon might be wonderful, or vise versa.. Or maybe even entire days or weeks will be horrible, followed by ones that are absolute bliss, or even just comfortable. Whatever the circumstance is.. good and bad are equal.

Today started out just fine. I got up to go to work and I was quite excited about going since I hadn't been there in a few weeks. But, when I got there, I found out that I wasn't even on the schedule, despite being told that I was by my boss. This first issue ticked me off quite a bit, of course. That isn't an easy drive. It's 45 minutes in traffic both ways, and 25 minutes if I'm really lucky. So, I get told to ask around to see if anyone wants to go home. One girl, Ariel, couldn't even talk.. so I took her place from 12 - 3. Short shift. Too short, but it was the best I could get, and I wanted to do something for her since she was so tired and hurting. Next, when I walked back into the office, everyone seemed so hostile! There were no hellos, and those that looked at me seemed to glare at me. I snapped at one of the guys (but apologized later) and stormed out of the office to go to a back room. I cried. I feel so out of place there. I can have fun, but it's rare.. and I'm just unhappy. I called my mom, and she talked me into feeling better. I go back to the office, and am dragged into my second boss's office to chat.. for twenty minutes.. about how I'm too sensitive, too negative, and too much of a loner. How the hell does she know!? She's never seen me around the other guards. It's like.. she was telling me that in order to continue at the Center, I need to completely change my personality. Not only that, but she literally asked me "If you were an employer, and you had an employee that was negative all the time, would you want to keep her around?" ..... No comment.

So, the day starts to get better. Little kids make me smile, and the guards start to be nicer to me. I start to be my happy-go-lucky self again. Then, my shift's over and I go home. In the car, as I eat my M&Ms, I think about all the stuff that my boss said about me. Yes, I got some compliments. Like, she said that I'm a great guard, always intentive, and very good at what I do.. But she insulted my personality. She insulted me for things that she doesn't even know. I change depending on what circumstances are around me, and it isn't fair that she critisizes me on what makes me, me.

I get home, and I decide to call the animal hospital I applied to last Friday. You have no idea how awesome it would be to have this job.. I'd get to work with the animals, their owners, lab work, blood work, X-rays, ...everything that the vets don't directly do, I'd be doing. It would be so incredible. And, guess what? To even out the bad in my day, good gave me a chance. I got the job.

current mood:

contemplative

(3 comments | comment on this)

Tuesday, March 22nd, 2005

11:48 pm - Eeeeverything

When was the last time I posted? I have no clue, but whatever. I shall now do a very quick update.

December -
* Grandma died Christmas morning (3:00 am)
* I was accepted to UMW with honors.

January -
* I'm 18... yay! I think? I'm not sure.
* I pool op'd by myself for the first time. Bad stuff happened; a guard cussed out another guard and lied to my boss about what happened. Thus, I got in trouble. Go me.

February -
* Relationship with Ju is rocky.. I can't tell if I'm happy anymore. I think so.
* Crazy amount of snow days. We're getting off for random things like it's so cold in the morning that the school board people think it's going to kill us.

March -
* Applied for really, really awesome vet job. I want it so badly.. but, it's been a week since I applied. Mom says they don't want me. So nice to hear that, isn't it?
* Ju and I seem better.. My friends are telling me to break up, though.

current mood:

grumpy

(8 comments | comment on this)

Tuesday, November 9th, 2004

7:18 pm - Quiz

Take the quiz: "What does your birth month reveal about you?"

January
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking andproductive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very Stubborn and money cautious.

...It seems almost too true for me.

current mood:

blank

Tuesday, November 2nd, 2004

5:42 pm - Hello?

Discussion:
Mom: You have a B+ in government. Are you sure you're trying your hardest?
Me: ....Yes. Don't I always?
Mom: Don't get smart with me. You're having trouble, aren't you? Do you need to talk to the teacher about these grades?
Me: No... The quizzes are just tricky, that's all.
Mom: It's not like you give a damn about college anyway.
Me: ..Yes I do. Why wouldn't I?
Mom: It's not like you ever work on the college things that you need to.
Me: I'm sorry that I'm working on the homework due soon..
Mom: I'm disappointed for you. You have to take another exam.
Me: I hate when you're disappointed.
Mom: You don't understand what I'm saying. You never do.
Me: School isn't exactly how it was when you went there.
Mom: I took government. I know exactly what it's like.
Me: Why can't adults accept the fact that things are different nowadays?
Mom: You're misunderstanding me.
Me: What is there to misunderstand?
Mom: Are you trying to pick a fight?
Me: No.. I'm trying to be reasonable.
Mom: Then you're saying I sound like an idiot.
Me: No.. you don't.
Mom. I'm glad I work full time again. Just shut up.
Me: Okay.

I love my life. What sucks even more is that this is becoming a nearly hourly occurance. It leaves me wondering why I don't just escape, run away. Whatever. I'll be 18 soon. It's not like she can stop me.

current mood:

irritated

Saturday, October 30th, 2004

2:15 pm - You all are evil.

My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul
miryn goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as butterfly.
_sketch tricks you! You get a toothbrush.
crossrhythm tricks you! You get a clothespin.
jules_letters gives you 15 light orange cherry-flavoured gummy bats.
maelgwn tricks you! You get a piece of paper.
penguinsane tricks you! You get a wad of paper.
tekan tricks you! You get a rotten egg.
wolf_spirit6 tricks you! You lose 1 pieces of candy!
miryn ends up with 14 pieces of candy, a toothbrush, a clothespin, a piece of paper, a wad of paper, and a rotten egg.
Go trick-or-treating! Username:
Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.

Evil evil evil on Halloween. Only Ju gave me candy... And I love cherry-flavored stuff ^_~

In other news, last night was my senior homecoming. The fireworks were awesome, everyone was in a good mood and the stadium was /packed/. It really did look good and I was really impressed. That is, I was really happy until the third quarter. We were losing, like we always do, but a few of the football players decided to be mean to one of the first year athletic training students that was with me. They called her, the manager (watergirls), and me "water bitches." Now, excuse me for being a little ticked off about it, but that shouldn't have ever happened. It isn't my job to give them water, but I help out sometimes and if they want to treat us like that, then they can get the water on their own. That was precisely what the managers did, too. Jen and the water girls walked off the field. I had to stay, since I had to watch for/help with any injuries. The team got chewed out afterwards by Coach for being like that, and all the girls were glad that the team lost. Those losers. I did feel bad for David Talley, though. He had to play, but he also went back and filled up all the water bottles for the whole team, just so that the other guys wouldn't have to do it. Also, many of the players didn't have a clue what they did wrong, since many of them didn't even hear the comment. The kickers are sweet, and so are a couple of the other guys, so I did feel bad for them too. But, in general, I'm ticked at the entire team.

current mood:

irritated

Friday, October 8th, 2004

5:02 pm - Everything

It's been awhile since I updated this thing, and what better time to do it than when I'm feeling at my worst, right? I don't really know what's wrong with me, so I'm just going to write until I figure it out. I'm not suicidal.. I'm too afraid of death for that. I'm a not cut-myself-up kinda person, because I have too much honor for that.. but, lately, I've just wanted to go to sleep and not wake up again..

Everything just seems to be slipping away from me. I am a fine, happy, laughing, joking person while around my friends and even random people, but when I'm by myself everything seems lifeless. I've let all of my responsibilities online fall- yes, Neopets people. That does include you now. My life is such a mess that, even though I'm able now to connect, I cannot get a seconds' peace to get on there and do some good. Don't worry, though. I'm beating myself up about it emotionally. Honor and dependability are big things to me, and I've destroyed that.

I have been finding myself looking to get rid of this anxiety, nervousness, gloom, despair in so many different ways. My art is getting better, but it's because I have enough emotion to give the drawing an expression of its own. TKD is getting better, because I have so much excess frustration to take out on other people. Even at the last tournament, I took home three 1st place trophies- one for weapons forms(bo staff), one for musical forms, and one for sparring. I feel like I'm losing it all, though, and I have nobody to hold onto.

Even in love, I'm so unhappy all the time. I feel no more pleasure and I'm always so stressed out that I can't make anything fun for him. I force myself to be confident in things that I never have before, just for him, just to make him happy, but I don't usually get my turn for that happiness. I guess I should just be happy that I did something for him, but is it wrong to want something in return? Or even to want something without having to ask for it? I know that I deserve something. I can't possibly be so bad a person that I don't deserve any happiness whatsoever, but I can't find it.. I feel like the people who I'm holding onto for support aren't giving me what I need. Disappointment reigns over everything that I look forward to, and I don't know what to do about it.

As for at home, since I have no siblings, I'm under a constant shower of criticism. No, not helpful criticism. Example: Mom: "You need to go outside and do your Biology project before all of the leaves fall off the trees." So, I go outside and start picking leaves and doing stuff. Mom comes outside. "You can't keep slacking off on these college applications, teacher recommendations, and guidance resume things." Thus, I go inside and start working on the forms. Mom returns an hour later, "You can't keep putting off this Biology project. And look at these papers! What is the 'B' on this test for? What's this other 92% about? Are you -sure- you're trying your hardest? Maybe you should get off the computer and study more. What else are you procrastinating on? Hey, did I tell you about this wedding I read about in the paper? Oh, and about my bowling game on Saturday..." Et cetera. You get it.

I'm so tired. Emotionally tired. Physically tired. I have no place to turn and in every shadow that I am alone, I wallow in this intense sadness that I can't escape. I'm such a happy person, and I know that, but for some reason, I just can't do anything. I want to go to sleep earlier than I have been. My school work is suffereing because of it and I'm getting worse because of it too, but I have to stay up for him. Or, at least.. that's what I feel I need to do.

Most of all, I feel guilty. I don't know what I feel guilty for, but it's tearing me apart. I cry almost every other night now, and I'm not a person that you can easily make cry. This guilt is horrible. I did something wrong, and I have to find out what it was. My nightmares have turned worse, becoming horrible death-dreams in which I'm always the reason all the other people, known to me and unknown alike, die terribly agonizing deaths. I die too. Every night. I have too much to do. I'm always running out of time. The person who is most my happiness can't even be here for me. His brother can't either. My friends would comfort me, I'm sure, but I don't want to tell anybody what's going on. If anybody knew I loved someone I've only known online.. what would that destroy? What would they tell me if I told them how often I feel like I'm suffering and only always believe that it's all my fault?

What have I done to deserve this? I've always tried my hardest, but now it's like I'm almost at a breakdown. I work, I go to football games and practices every other day and every weekend, I go to TKD four times a week or risk my parents' threat of getting kicked out even when this close to 3rd degree. I have to finish my homework, of course, but all of these projects are killing me. Then I must have time for college essays and college scholarship essay writing, club meetings, club service hours, SATs tomorrow morning, athletic training hours, everything.. I help my friends, but I can't help myself. I've bottled everything I feel up inside of me, and now it's fighting to come out, all at once. I can't let it, though. I have too much to do and too much to hide from my parents, friends, and even.. myself..

current mood:

drained

Sunday, September 12th, 2004

5:50 pm - Angst?

My angst tastes like...
vanilla

Vanilla
Find your angst's flavor

Simple and true, your angst is just the amount of any normal person. What's more, you exercise an extremely honest and healthy way of dealing with it. Many people could use maturity and wisdom like yours. Your angst may be that you don't get along with your boss or a family member is having health problems, but either way it's always something transient and survivable that you cope with and use as a step on your way to becoming a better person. If there's one problem with your angsting, it's that you may tend to take this matter-of-fact, dutiful approach to all things. Maybe you should cut loose a little now and then so you can have some wild fun and adventure to balance out your angst. Remember that life needs its up as well as its downs and treat yourself to a little reward for your work.

I already know what all of my angst stems from, but it's the same place that most of my happiness comes from too. Maybe the day that all these problems are fixed, there won't be anymore angst.. and he and I can just be happy without having to worry about losing eachother.

And, on another note... I miss you too, Sammy!

current mood:

confused

Tuesday, September 7th, 2004

5:48 pm - Unexpected Freedom

"It's up to you."

I've been hearing this phrase almost too often for my own good. I drive myself anywhere I want to go, going places (like TKD) is up to me, I no longer have any sort of enforced bedtime..

All of this new freedom is scary. My teachers, now that I'm in a few college level courses, tell me that I don't -have- to do any of my homework. It'll help me, but what I do is up to me. Everything is up to me, and I'm not quite sure I'm ready for the real world.

I feel bad about the bedtime, though. I really want to stay up late with Ju, but I have to have sleep.. My brain simply can't function without 7 or 8 hours of sleep.

I'll be 18 soon. I have yet to realize and accept that I'm finally a senior.. and just everything is suddenly moving too fast. I've decided that about a week after Justin and his brother's birthday, I'm going to tell my mom about me and him. I'm tired of keeping it a secret. And since I'll be 18, I'll buy my own computer and internet service with the money I've saved up for a car if my mom decides to ban me from him. She won't separate us. And at that point, it'll be my own decision.

More so.. I'm just wondering where my mom found the ability to let me go so much. She's always been so overprotective that I felt like I had to watch my back for everything. Now, though, it's like I can go anywhere I want.. whenever I want. ..What's next?

current mood:

determined

Tuesday, August 31st, 2004

4:11 pm - Updating... and all that good stuff

It's been awhile since I wrote in this thing. I went to a resort for a week long vacation. It was fun. I got to go horseback riding a few times, swimming, hiking up and down the mountain through the gorge, went into a coal mine.. Each day there was something new to do, and I actually feel like I got closer to my parents than I have in a long time. That made it special. It was a lot of fun there, but without talking to Ju for a long time, I tend to get pretty lonely. Coming home again should have been the best time of the whole vacation. But I won't go into that right now.

On to more recent things. Yesterday started the pool's down week. I got to use chemicals that ate through my gloves and the sponges I was using, while I was using them. The labor itself was hard work. All my muscles today are stiff and sore and don't really want to work very well. The pool manager decided to paint four huge columns, bright red. It looks.. scary. Today I had to paint some steps the same color. I don't think I'll be painting for a long, long time after that.

Also yesterday, TKD class was awesome. It's been quite a while since I've gotten to spar with weapons. We were supposed to test out different weapons, but I mostly just fought with the bo staff since that's what I'm best at. I tried to use the three-sectional-staff, but I felt like I was about to kill myself with that thing. It's crazy. During one match, though, my opponent Colt and I were doing a drill in which we both had bo staffs. Since we're both second degrees and everyone else is below us, we were kinda trying to show off. Colt has a whole lot less control than me, though, so he cracked his staff into both my thumbs, with all of his strength. ...Needless to say, I can't really bend them very well today. I'm just glad they aren't broken.

Now I will go back to waiting for him to connect.

current mood:

blank

Wednesday, August 4th, 2004

12:42 am - Boss talk

This morning I skipped doing the camp counselor thing, and instead followed Odise around to learn pool operating stuffs. He's hard to understand, so it kinda all went over my head. I gave myself a headache stressing out about not doing anything wrong again, and thus put myself into a bad mood for the rest of the day. I refused to talk to anyone, basically, despite the talk I had with Kathryn.

Kathryn has to be the nicest boss... ever. She talked with me for over an hour and a half just on the fact that being an only child can sometimes cause communication problems, and that it makes some people more independant and want to take more initiative than most. She's the kind of person you can tell everything that's bothering you. And, basically, I get to do more (interesting + new) stuff now, and everything that I had been worried about was a big misunderstanding. Kathryn also took me back into the pump room and made me do all the readings. I think I can actually manage that job now.

However, despite that talk, I'm more introverted than ever. She told me to bounce ideas and things off of her or anyone else all the time, but that just made me even more self-concious. I don't want to talk.. It's easier for me to go sit by myself for an hour and sort everything out in my head. The only person I want to talk to is Justin.. and his brother too, actually, but I don't want to tell them all my problems. That seems kinda dumb to dump everything on two people. I can handle it... I just don't want all the stress I give myself to effect other people.

current mood:

confused

Monday, August 2nd, 2004

5:14 pm - ...Huh?... and random memories

Tell me if I'm wrong, but I could have sworn that at work you're supposed to try to do everything at the best of your ability. That's what I've done for four years at the Center. In the past two years of lifeguarding, I guess I've been trying to prove myself. Supposedly, doing your best is no longer permitted. I stayed three minutes past the end of my shift to help a new guard learn how to do something, and I was reprimanded. Granted, this wasn't the first time I've been told not to help. But, I had always kinda shrugged it off. If I'm not supposed to be doing my job, what am I supposed to be doing? Megan told me to clock out because I need to 'leave as soon as I'm rotated off, and if I want more hours, go talk to Kathryn about it.' Odise said Megan reprimanded me because the floaty snake thing isn't supposed to come out of the water until 4:45 (it was 4:00). Odise's story made no sense. That thing has always come out of the water at four, no matter what day. Kathryn said it's because I do too much and I need to let other people do work too. I'm not doing everything. I tell other people to do more than I do. I'm just doing what I've always thought I'm supposed to do.

Whatever. I don't really understand why my efforts are all of a sudden 'too much'. I'm helping to teach the new guards how to do their job. Is that wrong? Oh well if it is. I don't want people dying when I could have done something to prevent it.

Alright. Now for random memories.
I don't think I'm allowed to look nice. Really. When I was little, my mom entered me into a beauty contest. That morning, I fell down the driveway and scratched up my face horribly.
A few weeks ago, I was all dressed up nice for my senior picture. My bird got out of her cage and flew into my face, scratching me down my cheek with a talon or two. Funny, isn't it?
I also think that faeries are real. That probably sounds really stupid, but my mom will back me up. A few years ago we were driving back from my grandmother's house, and suddenly the road was covered in small frogs and/or toads. It was so weird.. There were tons of them, everywhere. It wasn't raining or moist or fly-infested. Then, right in front of us, this...thing.. drifted across the road. It was all glowy, and floated at about a rabbit's head-height. Very strange, really. Though, this could be just another sign that I'm crazy.

What Natural Disaster are you? Take the quiz!

current mood:

confused

Sunday, August 1st, 2004

9:12 pm - Staff Party

Out of about 30 lifeguards, only eight of us showed up and that's including our two managers. So, no, it didn't seem like it'd be much of a party. But it was! We played on the snake (a long, floating hard-plastic/foam creature that is attached to the bottom of the pool for people to sit on), we played Marco Polo, they made me go off the high dive... et cetera. We put the snake in the 14 foot part of the pool and played there. That was cool too. I had a couple of issues, but nothing too serious. Derek flipped the snake over and my upper leg got caught between the snake's body and the rope attached to it. My shin also now has some horrible bruise/bleeding/bump thing on it, but I'm not sure how that happened.

We had food and other nonsense, but really.. even Amber was extremely nice to me. Kathryn's also going to start letting me 'shadow' Odise, aka follow him around, to begin Pool Op'ing, which rocks. Finally.

current mood:

good

Saturday, July 31st, 2004

11:11 pm - Competition! ....thing!

Tonight I went to lifeguard inservice and then straight to a swim party competition thing. Both were pretty fun, really. I feel social. Be proud of me.

Inservice: Usually, even after I got my pool op license, I had to do the things that all of the other lifeguards had to do. CPR, rescue breathing, VAT stuff, spinal injury evaluations... et cetera. Tonight, however, Kathryn (my boss) made a new decision. I got to run the unconcious protocal station by myself ^_^ First step that shows me that she is finally willing to actually let me be in charge and all that good stuff. Of course, I hadn't told most of my friends/co-workers that I'm a pool op, so it kinda freaked them out to see the normally very quiet girl barking out orders for a change. Pretty darn awesome.

Aquatic Challenge: I had to follow Amy, another pool operator, there because I suck at finding places. I get lost all the time. When we get there, there are only a couple of people from the Center where we work. There were three competitions.. we didn't have enough people for any of them. We won the syncronized swimming contest, but I wasn't in that one. I was supposed to do "Twister", a race in which you run up the stairs of one of those really tall outdoor pool slides, and then slide down as fast as you can, on your stomach, and dive into three feet of water. Granted, I was terrified. I didn't want a spinal injury upon entering the water, and I didn't want to sprain my ankle (again!) on the way up. However, even though I was on a different group's team, they butted me out when one of their other friends showed up. Nice, aren't they? But, it was still a lot of fun ^^

Definitly tired now, though. I can't really lift my arms above my shoulders' height, and I can't climb stairs all that well either because of going to TKD every day and facing very upset instructors. I wonder why they're in such a bad mood... It's good news for me, though. The more I hurt, the better I'll get. And that's what matters ^_~

current mood:

calm

Wednesday, July 28th, 2004

11:19 pm - Work ... o_0

People are... gross. Humans in general are gross. I have no idea where they get the thoughts in their head that some things are appropriate for public places. I found four feminine napkins on the floor of the girl's locker room. Four! And, yes, my friends.. they were definitly -used-. Eww.. nasty.

Also, I have never thought that I'm even in the least pleasing to look at. Maybe that's just my negative attitude, but I had three or so old-ish, spanish-speaking, chubby creepy guys hitting on me while I was sitting in the lifeguard stand, unable to run away. That's what I get for trying to be nice and smiling at people.

I'm so tired of Mike. Anyone recall the guy who called me fat? Yeah, well, it turns out he had four (five, including a long-distance relationship in Florida) girlfriends at the same time. Two of which work at the Center that he and I do. The jerk. And, he got mad at Derek for ratting him out to the 'girlfriends'. Mike even expects an apology! Grr.. so mad at him. I asked him the other day why he's always so mean to me. His reply? "Because if I'm not mean to you, then I'd be hitting on you." Can't we have some happy medium called "friendship," please?

Ju and his brother are going away starting tomorrow through all weekend.. I've booked friends-nights-out and parties for every night, so I'll definitly be staying distracted. All those hours inbetween will be spent working on school work and/or sleeping o_o (Reason: most of these stupid novels put me to sleep rather easily) Though.. despite anything I try to do, I will miss him terribly. At least I'll know he's alright (even if farther away from me..). Hopefully I'll get to hear his voice again, or maybe he'll leave me notes ^_^ Any word from him would be wonderful. I miss him already, and I'm still talking to him. I feel all corny and stuff, but I don't care. I love him so much.

current mood:

hopeful
current music: One Love - Sister Hazel

Thursday, July 22nd, 2004

5:43 pm - Life.. and lifeguarding yet again

_sketch is absolutely wonderful. He's always there to help me out when I need it and, even better, my physical link to Ju. I can't say I've ever had such a consistent friend with as much wisdom as he has (no offense to the rest of you guys.. He's just the person I go to most of the time with the problems that I can't handle, and Ju isn't involved.)

In other news, today was insane crazy. Some woman came out and outright slapped one of the camper girls across the face for 'being rude to her daughter in the lockerroom'.... Right.. can we say assault? A boy ran across the pool deck and looked to be frothing at the mouth. He vomited all over the sundeck and in the Main pool. What a lovely mess to clean up. I had one assist.. well, two, but it was the same kid twice, so I didn't count the second time.

Last night was just as insane. I couldn't be with Ju, so I went to what I consider to be a suicide TKD class. Sparring class. I haven't fought for what feels like years so, obviously, I suck pretty badly. I go there, and I feel weak from having donated blood this week.. but I make it through the workout, just barely. Towards the end, Mr. B calls out 'Street fighting!' which means that the entire class has to surround one person in the center. Class yesterday had 8 people in it. So, 7 people... versus me. And only me. I took a huge beating. I'm so sore, have so many bruises. I don't think it would have been so bad if the class hadn't consisted mostly of older men who used to be in the marines.

current mood:

okay